“And in the end, we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.”
― Christopher Poindexter,
It has been 20 days since I left home. It has been twenty days since I realised a few things and understood that every place can get a little lonely sometimes. It has been twenty days since I have started to settle in after moving quite a bit.
From India, to a hotel, to a home in the heart of Istanbul to a new house overlooking the Bosphorus Strait, it has been a whirlwind twenty days. It has been twenty days of learning about people, what distance does to the heart and who all end up being important. Its twenty days of shifting in, settling in, making strangers out of friends and friends out of strangers.
It has been twenty days of figuring out roads, language, signs, learning how to salvage some meals, and handle relations. It has been twenty days of understanding people for whom distance is not a factor and some relations are always meant to stay.It has been twenty days of understanding the value of family and how much we sometime take them for granted because we always have it so easy.
It has been twenty days since the last time I thought about the person I once loved, even though I missed him every minute of every day, but it is also the realisation that sometimes you can miss someone you love without being loved back and it is okay. Bad relationships are as important in life as good relationships. And sometimes, the people you love the most hurt you the most and you have to come to peace with it and remember that forgiveness is not for the weak.
You have to train your heart like a lion, you have to fight and you have to lose sometimes too to understand what a win feels like. And most importantly, you have to be strong to learn to let go because sometimes, that almost kills you but in the process when you look back on that moment, you will thank yourself for choosing yourself over everything.
I have been meeting a lot of strangers on the road when i ask them for some help or directions even when Google fails, and I can assure you that not everyone is bad, not all people are monsters and not everyone will take advantage of you.
I remember a few days back, it was a very hot summer afternoon. In Istanbul, most part of the old city does not have fans or lifts. So after having adjusted to climbing six floors everyday because the view was to kill for, I still couldn’t adjust to the absence of fans. It was one of the hottest days in the city, and after having grudgingly requested for a standing fan, I decided to just go out and get one for myself.
I left the house in the morning, after having crossed a few shops I asked a couple of old people by showing them a photo of the fan i wanted to buy and translating on Google as to where I could buy one. After some cacophony of discussions and directions pointed out, I was offered to be taken by a slightly older gentleman. He seemed to be of a gentle disposition, so clutching on to my bag and understanding that he meant to take me to his friends electronic shop down the road, I embarked on the journey.
What did I do here? I had to put out my faith and trust on the universe, I just had to hold onto the belief that nothing wrong was going to happen and I was having a good start to a day with strangers being kind. And boy was i right! Not only did the fine old fellow help me get a fan, he also got it for me at a discount realising that I was a student. After that he dropped me right at my building which was a few blocks away, and I carried the fan on my shoulders all the way to the sixth floor.
It was a long flight of stairs but the thought that humanity still existed amidst all our problems in life, amidst all the broken dreams, failed promises and love gone wrong, that sometimes people help you without any motive, that is something that takes a while for us to accept.
Isn’t life funny where we are always thinking first of the negative situations that can arise or what can go wrong? We are focusing so much on the stories that didn’t work out and the kiss that wasn’t good, or the shoe that broke, that against all our best efforts, we don’t focus for one second on the possibility that if we did put out good thoughts and positivity, things might turn out not to be that disappointing.
In this constant battle of faith and doubt we let doubt win too often, forgetting that doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
So, let go. Sometimes, the relationships that are meant to stay and thrive will do so despite distances and sometimes, when people want to leave your life, remember that their chapter in your book was a story that had to come to an end some or the other time.
It has been twenty days of a little more growing up as a 23-year-old adult. It has been twenty days of letting faith win over constant doubts and distance. It has just been twenty days.
Written by Adhisa Ghosh
Shot on iPhone 7 plus